Embarrassment

Nelson, I'm just gonna go ahead and let you know that my last post was an experiment, and an awfully ballsy one at that.

The results?  The title of this post.

If you haven't read my last post, then it'll help this post make more sense, so you should go read it.

(For those who did, she read it too).

I'm okay with the embarrassment.  Sorta.

It just happened so fast, too fast.  Is that an alarm I hear?  (I make too many Last Five Years references on this blog thing).

Like you know when you're preparing to perform a monologue for some people, and then the next thing you know you're being told for the upteenth time that *insert name here* doesn't like you the same way?  By *insert name here*?

Well, I didn't until yesterday, so I'm not sure I should expect you to know the feeling, but it was weird, man.

She was so sweet about it too.  Like holy crap, that's never happened before.  And what she said was totally understandable, at least the part about her liking another guy.  She's with him for a reason, and I just need to respect that.

Not saying that I don't, but I just kinda wish I was him right now, you know?

And I really really really hope that he realizes how lucky he is to have her, because he is.

To the girl that this post is about, this is not a post intending to make you feel bad for not liking me, or call you out, because that's stupid and not true.

I'm just ranting, because I feel like I made things weird and awkward between us like I always do with girls, and you being so sweet about it made me like you even more yet make me really confused about our relationship and ugggfhhhh feelings.

I overanalyze, but I really am so confused, and I don't mean to blame you for anything, because I don't think you intended for me to feel this way about this situation or about you in general.  But I feel like we need to talk, I just don't know what about.

I feel like I need to apologize, but then I feel like you'll just tell me everything's okay and that we're fine.  But are we really fine?  Did I make things awkward between us?  Is this post making it more awkward?

I just feel embarrassed, like I can't even talk to you, because I'm not sure how to right now, and for that, I'm sorry.

The woods just won't feel the same anymore.