The Good News and The Good News

Do you wanna hear the good news first, or the good news?

Well too bad, I'm telling you the good news first.

The Good News:

She got over him.

It still made me sad when she decided to like someone else instead of me, but that leads me to... 

The Other Good News:

I got over her.

Yes, the girl I thought was my Shiksa Goddess turned out to not be who I thought she was.  Maybe I'm more like Jamie than I thought.

The next news could be either good or bad.

The Good/Bad News:

I like someone else now.

It's good, because I'm over the other girl, and this new girl is amazing in every way.  But it's bad, because she kinda has a boyfriend already.

Why I do this to myself, I don't know.

The journey of never having anyone like me back continues, which is kinda something I'm bringing upon myself, but hey, it's my life, I can do what I want.

It's an interesting situation, because I feel like we just work, you know?  But everytime I think we're really hitting it off, or I think she's flirting back, my thoughts kick in with,

"Dude, she likes the other guy, don't do this to yourself.  Or do, because that could be torturous, and I love torturing you, so I mean... Yeah, man.  Go for it."

Aren't my thoughts the worst?

I will say that this situation, for some reason, is more tolerable than the other one.  The other girl can have fun with her sophomore, I don't care, I really don't.  I actually hope things work out with that.

But the fact that the girl I like now has been helping me get over the other girl kinda makes me worry.  Because what if she finds out that I like her now instead of the other girl?  Would she still think encouraging me to get over the other girl was a good idea?

Will I still like this girl by the end of the year?  Do I even know enough about this girl to start liking her?  I don't know.

But do you want to know something I'm like 90% sure about?

She's probably reading this post right now.

Coffee with God

If you had the opportunity to sit down with God, talking about your life over a cup of coffee, how would you feel?

Would you feel happy?  Intrigued?  Confused?  Afraid?

Would you ask Him about all of the tragedies in your life?  Your families' life?  The world?

What kind of food do you think God would order?  Would He order what you ordered?

Would He show you the answers of your life to you as if your life was a movie?

"Ah, I love this part!"

"That was so sad."

"That was pretty embarrassing, but it doesn't matter."

Was that Him talking or you?

How about the little things that happen in your life?  Did He do those on purpose?

What music do you think God listens to?  Would He show you Mozart or Eminem?  Does God have any originals?  A whole album?

Does He enjoy poetry?  Could He recite Walt Whitman off the top of His head?

Is God a nerd or a jock?  Would He explain to you how He created the Earth and how it works or would He explain to you how the game of basketball works?

Would you ask Him for advice?  Would you actually listen to it?

Would you ask Him about the worthiness of your soul?  If there's a certain way to live your life?

What does He think of the amount of religions there are?  Or the amount of languages?

After this chat with God, would you give Him a hug?  Would He want one?

God may be more powerful than us,

But God could be more like us than you think.

To Be Modest or "Hottest"

Alright, I need to talk about this, secrets and all.

Modesty is so important.  Trust me.

You are much more attractive when you cover up, ladies, you really are.

Showing off your body does more than you think.  You may think it's just your legs, or your back, or your boobs, but those are attractive things to the heterosexual male mind.

Anytime I'm in the halls, and I can see a girls legs, or cleavage, no matter how "good" they look, I instantly think,

"She's not for me."

Now I'm not saying every girl should aim to have me as an option, but I'm not the only person who thinks this.

The reason I think it?

Because a girl who shows off her body just doesn't seem like someone who'd commit to just me.  I want a girl that only shows her body to me.

Is that selfish?

I hope not.

But what is selfish, to me, is thinking that "guys should just control their thoughts."

I'm sorry, but do you realize how insensitive that is?  There are so many guys doing their best to keep their thoughts clean, but news flash:

THE FEMALE BODY IS REALLY FREAKING ATTRACTIVE

And when I see skin instead of clothing, I can't help but be attracted to that.  I don't want to, I really don't, but it's just what happens.  I can look away and do my best to filter that out, but you're making it so much harder on me, which doesn't seem nice to me, and I definitely don't want to be with a woman like that.

Confession Time!

I used to be addicted to pornography.

I've been away from porn for several months now, but I still struggle with sexual thoughts.

And guess what?

Girls showing off their body are not helping me at all.

If it's expected of me to control my thoughts, then why can't it be expected of girls to control their clothing?

Like really, is it that hard to cover up?

I'd love to not wear pants at all; pants are just uncomfortable to me.  But I cover up my legs and "goods" anyway, because I don't want people seeing that, even if they "look good."  It'd be comfortable for me at first, but making other people uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable, and it should make you uncomfortable too.

You're probably really grossed out right now, but seeing immodest girls at school is gross, because it just reminds me of my porn days, and porn is absolutely disgusting.

I'm a male, I naturally have sexual urges.  The least you can do is cover those parts to help a brother out.

How am I supposed to respect you when you're driving the evil desire naturally instilled in male minds?

The male population and I can do better to control our thoughts, but I'm sick of girls practically being naked and wanting men to not think of them as objects.

The only men you attract when you show off your body are the men that will abuse you, objectify you, and make you feel miserable.

Don't you want to show off your body to the one person you know won't abuse you, objectify you, or judge you?

You don't want a man who wants your body, you want a man who loves your body.

And that means he doesn't want to be with you just to have sex.

He wants to be with you because you're a person, not a body.

If you're gonna expose anything, expose your personality, because whatever you expose is what guys will go for.

I say this because I mainly love women for their personalities, not just their bodies.

I love a good body just as much as the next guy, but I don't want to love a body.

I want to love somebody.

I Know There's Something More

Life is a beautiful thing, hardships and all.

Sure, life can suck sometimes, or a lot of the time, but it's just such a cool feeling to know that you're part of the 7 billion people that are lucky enough to be breathing right now.

Despite there being 7 billion people in the world, only one can make a difference.

Just one.

That's right, I'm talking about you, baby.

Realize that life is not meaningless or boring; there's something more.

I believe that there is a God, and that God made this Earth freaking beautiful.

There are terrible things on this Earth, don't get me wrong, but God's the one who gave us free will in the first place, and with free will, we tend to do some stupid stuff.

So my challenge to you?

Don't do something stupid, because there's more to life than just breathing, eating, pooping, and sleeping.

And it's not about killing, raping, torturing, bullying, stealing, or PDAing either.

It's about connecting with yourself, with other people, and with God.

And forgive how hippie this next sentence sounds, but the way to connect is with love.

To love another person is to see the face of God.

Les Miserables gets it.

And so does Tyrone Wells.  Please click the link at the end of this post, and really pay attention to the words.

This song is beautiful.

This world is beautiful.

You are beautiful.

Go make the world more beautiful.

(Click this, because it's really good.)

WARNING: RANTY LOVE POST

I'm sorry that my hair isn't as stylish as his.

I'm sorry that my smile isn't as captivating as his.

I'm sorry that I can't sing as high as he can.

I'm sorry that I can't play the guitar as naturally as he can.

I'm sorry that I can't tickle the ivories as beautifully as he can.

I'm sorry that his songwriting skills are better than mine.

I'm sorry that he's just so dreamy.

I'm sorry that I haven't kissed as many girls as he has.

I'm sorry that he isn't good in relationships.

I'm sorry that he flirts with every breathing girl, including you.

I'm sorry that people think you're stupid for liking him.

But can I say something?

My hair is stylish, some days more stylish than others.

My smile is pretty freaking good.

I can sing high.

I can play the guitar.

I can play the piano.

I wrote a song about you.

I'm more funny than dreamy, but humor's attractive, isn't it?

I haven't kissed anyone.

I haven't been in a relationship.

I only flirt with you, and I'm awkward with it, and awkward is cute, right?

I'm sorry that you like him.

There, I said it.

But do you know what else I'm sorry about?

I'm sorry that he's not like you.

I'm sorry that I'm not like you.

The funny thing is,

I don't believe the latter, but you do.

This Episode Really Isn't Kind

We've had too many "I'm here for you"s and "You are loved"s to realize that they're not kind; they're meaningless.  And if there's no meaning in the sentiment, you're making people think that they are meaningless.

I want to talk about suicide, and him, because I want this to be known.

Suicide may not be the answer, but blame isn't either.

Those who think suicide is a selfish act are the selfish ones.

"They didn't think about us, they only thought about themself."

That is absolutely sick and wrong.  How dare you turn their feelings and sorrow that they didn't even mean to have onto you?

Those who have killed themselves were not themselves when they did it.  He knew he had people that cared about him, and he cared about people, but Depression didn't.

He didn't kill himself; Depression did.  And to blame him for that is uncalled for.

He was an amazing kid, and that choice "he" made does not make him any less amazing.  I believe he's still figuring things out, and although he hurt us with "his" choice, he was hurting before it happened.

Were you?

He didn't mean to hurt anyone.  You have to think about his pain.  And if you can't do that, then you're the selfish one.

Suicide is a terrible option, but he was not a terrible person.

And in case you don't think I put any effort or heart into this post, or that I didn't even know him,

Tell me what the first letter of every word in the title spells.

I Can't Be Done

My life has felt the same as long as I've lived.  Sure, there have been changes, but I haven't had the biggest change; love.

I've never been in a relationship.

I've never had my first kiss.

I've never even had a girl like me back.

And to be honest, it's really annoying and boring living the same life that I've lived these almost 18 years.

I just want things to be different, but if nothing's changed these past 17 years, I don't feel like anything like that will happen to me soon, which just makes me want to not live anymore.

I've been on the brink of suicide before, and as much as I'd like to say I've had good reasons, I haven't, and I still don't.

I try and do things to make life more exciting, but nothing really works.  I'm always not doing something like I want to.

There's always people that are better than me, and there's people that care about me that I don't believe, which makes me feel terrible.

I'm a nice person, but I'm also super shallow, which I blame a past addiction for.

I just want someone to love me like I love them.

And the fact that that's never happened with anyone yet keeps me up at night way too much.

I'm done.

I'm done.

I'm done.

And yet I can't be done, because even if I don't see it,

I have something to live for.