Loving Your Best Friend (Updated)

I read this for the Final Slam, and it's an old blog post, but I changed some things, added a quote I wrote to the beginning, added lyrics to the song I referenced and sang when I did this live, and added a picture of something.  For those of you who were there, thank you for reacting.  It made me feel good:

"Trying to do the impossible is the best feeling in the world.
That's why love is so rewarding.
You're trying to make 1+1=1,
and when you keep getting closer to the solution,
That's love."

It's late, and I may regret this, but I have reached a conundrum.  And yes, like always, it's a girl.

The girl herself is not the conundrum; it's me liking her.

I normally talk about other girls to her, because I talk to her about a lot of things, but now, it's weird.

Because now I like her, and how can I talk to her about her?

I can't, that's how.  And I hate it.

Because sure, I can talk to her about a girl I like, but then when I'm talking to her about the one girl, I realize how beautiful she is, and it's... frustrating.

Because now I feel weird talking to my best friend, because I want to be more than best friends with her, and her instinct to me pretending to kiss her led to her making a noise resembling that of a dinosaur.

I know I was joking then, and you were joking, but if I actually wanted to kiss you, would you be okay with that?  Because guess what?  I really want to kiss you.

I kept thinking about you the whole time I was at my stepfamily's house, and I wasn't sure why, but then I realized something.

I missed you.

And I've spent several days away from a family I love before, and I didn't even miss them.

But I missed you, and I didn't know how to feel about it, and I still don't.

I would be such a good boyfriend to you, and you know that, but I kinda wish it was actually a thing.

And I know that in a few months I'll be in Japan, but I just wish I could tell you how much I love you.

How the only reason I like B-days is because I get to see you and talk to you for that little bit in the morning, even though you're always super tired, yet you look so adorable.

How you laugh at the dumb little things I say that people don't normally hear me say but that I find hilarious.  Because I'm funny, and I love how you notice it.  And don't even get me started on that cute laugh.

How you write beautiful songs, and we had that silly little Disney Channel moment during intermission of Winter's Tale, and even if you thought I was just being funny, I was, but I was also captivated by how beautifully you play music.

How despite you sometimes doing things that bug me, saying something that I don't agree with, or saying that I'm wrong about something, I still can't help myself from remaining your friend, because we just make sense as friends.  And I think we'd make sense as romantic partners.  Heck, everyone else thinks we're dating, so that should be some sort of sign.

Look, I'm not guilt-tripping you to be my girlfriend, because it's a little late for that at this point.  But I really hope you're still around when I get back from Japan.  And if you're in some other part of the world doing the same thing I'm gonna do in Japan when I get back, then I'll probably wait for you.

I feel like you're better than me, which is exactly the kind of person I want to fall in love with.  You are so freaking beautiful.  Like oh my goodness.  Personality, face, body, talent, you.  It's all perfect.

You know that song we sing together to prove to people that we sound good together?

"Would you let me
See beneath your beautiful
Would you let me
See beneath your perfect
Take it off now, girl
Take it off now, girl
I wanna see inside
Would you let me
See beneath your beautiful
Tonight"

That's literally how I feel about you.  If we do end up getting married, and that song doesn't play at our wedding, then WE DONE MESSED UP, SON.

In all seriousness, we still have a lot to learn about each other, and a lot of trust to build, but the best day of my life would be to realize that I can spout off any fact about you, kiss you whenever I want, and tell you "I love you" everyday.

And for you to be okay with it.