I Wanted To Cry

I just spoke at my Seminary Graduation, and I touched lives.

And I was so close to crying, but I couldn't do it, and I hate that.

Because I've always wanted to cry at things, but I haven't been able to.

I've cried by myself a few times during high school, but I've never expressed it to people.  And I'm very self-conscious about that.

Because it makes me worried about the really important things coming up in my life.

What if I don't cry when I first step foot in Japan?

What if I don't cry when I baptize my first investigator on my mission?

What if I don't cry when my dad gets married?

What if I don't cry when I get married?

Because if I don't cry when I get married, then I'm gonna feel like the worst husband ever.

But if I do cry... I'll lose it.  It'll be Niagra Falls The Sequel.

Because if I cry, then I'll know she's right for me.

But I'm still worried, because I told my whole Stake that I used to not be worthy to serve a mission, but that I've changed.

It touched people, but I guess it didn't touch me.

I want to cry so bad, because I hate when a water balloon pops while you're filling it up.

I wanted to cry.

Why didn't I cry?

I need to cry.

Because I need the life changing moments to actually change my life.

If I'm not crying when any of my children born, then I'll be crying about it later; for the wrong reason.

I've had too many sad tears, but never any happy ones.

I want happy ones.

So to my future wife, if I cry at our wedding, then you'll know that I'll love you forever, and that you'll have helped me finally achieve my number one goal in life.

Please make me cry.

I need you to make me cry.

Because I need to love you.

And I need to love life.

I need to love myself.