A Formal Acceptance of Apology

Dear you know who you are,

I first want you to know that I really did cry when I said I did, and you know I don't really cry, so I want you to know that I really regretted those quotation marks.

I never want you to think that you're not worthy of my friendship, because you totally are.  I find it interesting that I don't feel worthy enough to be your friend, and you don't feel worthy enough to be mine, but as the popular musical Wicked sang it best, "we deserve each other."  We really do.

I need someone that can laugh at my stupidity and that I can just say whatever random thing comes to mind and not feel like an idiot, and you need that too, I know you do.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.  Because with my eyes, no matter how "scary" you think you really are, you're still going to be beautiful to me, and I promise that won't change.

Because when we hung out today after not seeing each other for like two weeks, even when your body was not happy with you and you felt like you were gonna die/kill me, I still thought, "Wow, I can never leave this girl.  For starters, her hugs, wow, unbelievable.  Second, she's absolutely gorgeous.  Third, her humor is totally the same as mine, like she's just super hilarious.  Fourth, her mind is beautiful.  The way she tells stories, the creative things she comes up with, it's amazing.  There's so much more, but I'm gonna shut up now and keep listening to her."

Seriously, you inspire me to keep being a good person, and our friendship just makes sense.  Like, I'm always comfortable around you, no matter what.  I was nervous that after two weeks things would be super awkward, but we actually had a really good conversation, and I walked away glad that I was still able to talk to you.

You are such an amazing person, and I want you to realize that I am always here for you.  I could've given up on you months ago, but losing you would be like losing a part of myself, and not in some cheesy romantic way.  Though it may feel like I don't, I trust you, and I'm really hoping that you'll realize that you can trust me, because I wouldn't trade you for the world.

I have never regretted meeting you.  From the moment I met you I loved who you were as a person, and to become your best friend this last year was and still is an honor.  Please keep being my friend, please.

I don't care how irrational you get, or how hard it is sometimes to deal with you, because it's worth it.

I'm sorry for the quotation marks.  They were not fair to you, because you've done more for me than any other person, and you worry about me, which is really sweet.

I want you to know that I worry about you everyday, but that's because I care, and I'm here, and I want to help you always.  I don't feel any sort of romantic feelings for anyone right now, and I hate saying the "L" word, because it's really strong to me, but I love you.

I really truly love you, no quotation marks attached.

You are so worthy of my friendship, please don't doubt that.

And you are more than just words; you are human.  You are flawed but you are a work of art.  There is still a lot of time and effort being put into you, and it's making you even more beautiful and real, which is hard for me to believe that you can get any more beautiful and real, but it will happen.  I'm excited to see the person you've become when I get off my mission, and once you get off yours.

I'm sorry I made you feel like an inadequate friend, you are not a horrible person.  I love you no matter what, okay?

I accept your apology, even though you didn't have to be sorry about any of that stuff.

Keep fighting, keep believing, and keep growing.  And thanks for helping me with all three of those.

- your best friend

Kinda Really Hate Myself Right Now

Sorry, sad post, but this is my blog, so here:

I can't talk to anyone without feeling like I'm either gonna hurt someone else's feelings or like no even cares about me or what I have to say.  Because any time I speak I instantly feel judged, and then I feel stupid, and then I feel like everyone hates me, and then I hate myself.  I feel like a good person, but to everyone else, I guess I'm not good enough.

"Is anybody out there?

Feels like I'm talking to

Myself."

When I'm supposed to be the honest blog, even though I just deleted a lot of what I was gonna say, half because it would hurt people's feelings, and the other half because I feel like you don't even care.  Girls always say they want a guy that's confident, but how the hell am I supposed to be confident when no girl even wants to think about spending eternity with me?

I hate everything right now, including myself, and that makes me feel like every girl I know has just taken me off of their list.  Can you please just let me be sad like you always are and give me a chance?

I want to make someone happy for the rest of forever, but with girls constantly saying how great of a friend I am, the idea of eternal love sounds unobtainable and ridiculous, which just makes me an even worse candidate for a husband.

And now I'm gonna spend two years in a country I'm supposed to be happy about going to, but right now it's ruining my chances of love even more.  See, this whole post is just ridiculous, and no one is probably even gonna find it, because people only ever cared about this blog when there was a grade attached to it.  And how I've changed my mind about a lot of things on this blog, including my "best friend."

I just feel like a terrible person, and I want to feel like a terrible person without being labeled as, "not confident enough," because I would feel confident if people weren't hypocrites.  See, I'm even name calling now.

Whatever, this post is stupid, I'm stupid, blah blah blah sorry for the disappointing post after a long while of nothing.

I just want someone to prove to me how untrue this post is.